Trapper's Nuts
Virgin Podcastors Buttons and The Whore lodge complaints against their (completely fictitious) new 'employers' and struggle through two lackluster short story submissions, in this rather shakey debut of "Air Out My Shorts". A call to "Mama's Boy" (Brian) puts the final nail in the coffin... where we should have promptly buried episode 1!
Raison Expectations
Faith restored by Bill Raison's delightful story submissions, Buttons and The Whore bravely demonstrate their complete lack of voice acting talent in "Jeffrey Lights Up".
Granny Panties
Buttons and The Whore unintentionally affirm the negative effects of smoking, as they both gasp their way through "Catching Butterflies" by Jerry Vilhotti. The much anticipated first call to "Angry Phone Guy" (famous for telephone tirades played on certain unnamed College Radio Stations in Canada) finds him in an uncharacteristically good mood with nothing to scream about.
Long Bong Silver
The Word Whore, on location in South Beach, calls in for a special "Canada Day" episode and toys with a future career in phone sex. Buttons, less than energetic and far from enthusiastic, admits to engaging in a rather draining 'air guitar' session the night before and to missing his "sugar mama". "That Girl" helps us play 'hide-the-bong'.
Meat and Goo
The Word Whore drools over Tim Clare's gooey meat - reading new meaning into the most important meal of the day. Buttons pops his safety cap. 'Angry Phone Guy' rips into the Hilton's... twice.
Monkey Spank Inferno
Buttons & The Whore crack the Bert and Ernie story. Preston helps Phillip Elliott spank his monkey. A lumpy park monkey gets up close and personal with unsuspecting tourists. A call to 'Uncle Underpants' finds him airing out his own dirty laundry. The Word Whore reveals her secret porn name.
Mark 7 Meltdown
The Word Whore has a complete meltdown as she and Buttons foolishly subject themselves to a grueling 'on air' psycho-analysis at the hands of a visiting —obviously fraudulent— 'doctor'. A story submission by John Osborne uncovers The Whore's adventures in baby sitting. A call to 'Working Girl' confirms Preston's suicidal tendencies.
Grandmother Pinkeye
Buttons and The Whore make the tragic mistake of recording in the wee hours after a long press-whorin' night out on the town. Bleary-eyed, slurred-word scientific discoveries are made... mind-boggling, age-old mysteries are solved. Somewhere in this train wreck of an episode, a short story may have been half-heartedly tackled. A call to 'South B'otch' and 'The Rope Maiden' turns everybody's brown eyes... PINK!
Shuffle Demons
Preston and The Whore celebrate the one month anniversary of their first episode, their rather shocking arrival on the "iTunes Top 100" in Canada, and the announcement of their first contest. Episode features "The Demon" by Dave Aldridge and a call to "Chef Lech".
The Hymen Blues
Preston uncovers big gaping holes in The Word Whore's aura, while airing out "The Blue Man" by Chris Strange. A call to 'Banachek' - conveniently accompanied by 'Ms. Dizz' - further complicates Revirginization Procedures and threatens lab rats everywhere.
Shack-a-lack-a-BOOM
While taking it up one nostril and in one eye, Buttons and The Whore begin to air out a series of shorts submitted by Sam Keenan. Clothes break out, cougars pounce, vultures circle and a long-distance pillow fight ensues.
Taking The Piss
Buttons sustains actual physical abuse while airing out "Home" by Z.J. Maplin, but The Word Whore later comforts him with tea and dick. During a first time call to Independent Canadian Recording Artist —"LINK"— they learn of his preference for the produce section and an affinity for golden showers.
Going Down
Tired of mere boys trying, the Word Whore takes Michael Beckwith for a tumble. Preston's weekend in Richmond raises questions about "payload delivery" ethics among ambulance drivers everywhere. A call to Banacheck lands one step short and falls flat on its ass.
Ship of Fools
The Word Whore gets up close and personal with studio furnishings. Tim Clare taps his way back into our hearts. Rainy days and Mondays might always get Preston down, but topless cheerleaders get us all off.
Renewable Cherries
While "fast forward five hours" might make for nice alliteration, it leaves The Word Whore hungry for a play-by-play of the would-be 'Boston 3-Party' in "A Very Misty Morn" by Wade K. LaForce. This first half of a 2-Part episode (which also marks the TWO MONTH Anniversary of AoMS) includes an extremely rare on air parley with 'Big Bad Bruce' - released from confinement just for this call.
Sloppy DNA Sauce
While Preston works diligently to finish off Mr. LaForce and his "stove-sized root balls", The Whore continues to find the lack of down and dirty detail difficult to swallow. A call to 'Working Girl' reveals membership really does have its privileges and surprises AoMS with their first ON AIR JOHN.
Holy Load
Buttons and The Whore leave a lasting impression, though —from this day forward— both will live with the unsettling prospect of being struck down... either by The Almighty or Betty White. Phill Elliot digs yet another hole in his already crowded exotic pet cemetery and 'Angry Phone Guy' chimes in with more frighteningly slanderous celebrity ball-busting.
Left Tea Baggins
Buttons makes commendable progress on a life-sized tribute to Delta Burke, while The Whore busies herself with small animals. An all-star ensemble rallies - from Middle Earth to San Dimas - for Chapter 2 of Michael Beckwith's fairytale series. 'Link' licks Labour Day Weekend wounds, barks up the wrong tree, steers clear of dinner plates and undesirable sandwiches.
More Kilt, Less Guilt
The Whore dons pigtails for a play date. An untitled story submission by 'Abbey Normal' barely surfaces between porn anecdotes and musical trips down memory lane. Buttons hoses down the studio. 'Lulu Fontaine' takes a bite out of The Big Apple, while her husband drafts blueprints for his midget-free fetish room.
Sock It To Me
Preston Buttons and The Word Whore offer up an abridged conclusion to the 3-part "Dandy Fairytale" series by Michael Beckwith. The Whore's 'thigh-highs' get an unexpected work out. A messy 'art class', with 88 Fingers Willy, puts oven mitts and sock puppets in some sticky situations.
Clothes Encounters
Straining nipples threaten silk shirts everywhere, as The Word Whore pants her way through "Chance Encounter" by Shameless Flirt. Buttons fires off a loaded pump action gun. The Whore stands to pee. No longer 'introverted', Hot Tub Tammy shares her fantasies and sheds her clothes.
BONERfied Surprise
Clutch Murphy has a bone to pick over Thanksgiving. Matteo Torretta adds some Italian zest. The Whore delights in discovering an unexpectedly kind AoMS mention on "The Rev Up Review", but it comes as no surprise when LINK shares way too much or when Buttons fiddles with his gear.
Spewing Wild Odes
Preston comes clean with his 'caught in the act' story, but poems submitted by The Redheaded Cock Knocker leave both Buttons and The Whore feeling very dirty. Working Girl demonstrates what will undoubtedly be an extremely short-lived new career choice. The Word Whore confesses inappropriate carnal yearnings for Air Ferg.
2 Hot 4 Hockey
A big burrito threatens to burn through Buttons' bowels. The Word Whore's blue mood turns a fiery red, when her post-show plans fall apart on the air and "Faller" —by Jules Delorme— taunts her with hockey and poetry. Banachek shares a little love, having found a real live human woman to keep him warm.
Boo-Ooze Fest
Prestacula and Whorevira rise from their coffins, slurp from bloody goblets and take a long scary "Walk In The Woods" with Ricardo Gonzalez for Halloween. Angry Phone Guy trumps the rich by making his own glass menagerie out of cat excrement.
Urine Control
Buttons decides women should watch where they put their bare arses. "How I Nearly Killed My Girlfriend's Puppy" —by That Girl— raises a digestion dilemma. The Whore urges men to scrub their winkies. 88 Fingers Willy sits to pee.
Bulk Belly Buttons
Buttons goes back into the closet. The Whore makes a mess in bed and gives "This Spot", by S. Butts, the flush. Professor Polymer shares the latest advances in the wonderful world of plastics. Preston finally pulls the plug.
Lego My Log
Just when you thought it was safe to look into the bowl, excerpts from "Poo" —by Dave Aldridge— takes AoMS 'where no whore has gone before'. After merciless probing with square objects, "Disco Lou" uncovers Buttons is not bumpy and The Word Whore is not "butt-friendly".
Back Seat Cootch
The Whore ponies up, whinnies for Prince, and accidentally gives birth to Godzilla. First time phone guest "Hot Rod" and anonymous story submission "Control" spin tales of fast rides, parked cars, and little women. Buttons accepts his lot in life and clings to The Word Whore's boots.
Dancing Bare
Preston Buttons and The Word Whore celebrate their thirtieth episode with an unforgivable lack of fanfare, balloons, strippers and cake. Dick Hurtz takes "Henry" on a heart warming holiday spree. Guido Grande chimes in to remind us to say no to drugs.
Oh Ho Lee Night
Brimming with the holiday spirit, Buttons and The Whore rip the wrapping off a gift that will keep on giving. "Travieso", by Malkavious Rostif, delivers a nice big package to a naughty little number. Electric Lee from NYC opens up his sack of toys and slips in a few unexpected plugs.
Jiggly Bits
Merrily rum soaked, Preston Buttons and The Word Whore tie one on and slap a big red bow on the last episode of 2005. The real North Pole makes a disturbing appearance in "Santa Helps Himself"— a festive load dropped on AoMS by B.C. Hooker. The Whore stumbles on a new ice sculpture technique and the true source of Aurora Borealis rears its big ugly head. Link sacrifices a goat.
Magic Moose Meat
Facing the combined challenges of long distance recording, nasty head colds and confusing foreign cheeses; Preston Buttons and The Word Whore finally attempt their first episode of 2006. "War and Doom" —submitted by Doomed Moose— rekindles The Whore's affection for lava lamps and pirates. Buttons finally gets around to finishing his life size portrait of Delta Burke. Gene Roddenberry rolls over in his grave.
Hunky Dory
The Word Whore sets her sights on a shiny new knickknack for her mantle. Robert —producer of the Shades of Democracy Podcast— waves his dirty "Picnic" accusingly in Buttons' direction. EscapePod's Stephen Eley endorses The Whore's oral talents.
Original Sin
Preston is a snitch. AoMS joins the MySpace cult. The Whore does a "bad bad thing". Part one of Z.J. Maplin's "Sins Quietly" dons something frilly and dangles from the ceiling. Bid Bad Bruce sweats to the oldies and picks on the elderly.
Raging Heart On
In this very special Valentine's episode, Preston flashes his Ninja card while The Whore aches for twat recognition. Buttons and The Word Whore warm your cockles by mucking about in Malkavius Rostif's "You, Me and a Pool of Astroglide". Although The Whore's toy box is evidently situated very close to the mic, wanking is strictly prohibited.
Tit for Tattletale
The Whore rats out Link's little sister and airs out her unkempt garage. The conclusion of Z.J. Maplin's "Sins Quietly" finds Preston Buttons wielding a dangerous piece of meat. Disco Lou calls in to woo his favorite gap girl. The Word Whore boosts seat sales for her private self-esteem workshops.
Slagbags and Handrags
Preston yanks his own chain. The Word Whore prepares for a British invasion. Dann H gets Irish on Buttons. Al from Long Island demands a peach from the Whore. Simon Wilkinson says "It Could Be You", but probably isn't.
Sir Scumtongue
The Word Whore lays claim to yet another celebrity tonguing in absentia, while poor Button's patience with her drunken baby-talk babble is quite audibly pushed to the edge. Mike Dominic's "At His Own Pace" receives the highest story rating ever bestowed, shortly before experts have to be called in for The Whore's deep cleaning. The Barbie Dream House labels all its exits.
Fresh Knickered
Buttons loses his battle with the homeless virus. The Word Whore fiddles, while Air Out My Shorts burns. Lost recordings collect dust for good reason. Buttons and The Whore take a meatless road-trip with Michael Beckwith in "A Day In The Life Of". Z.J. serves up some silver tongue. Preston conducts a fruitless survey.
Tie-Dyed Legs
The Word Whore defiles Mother Earth. Buttons tie-dyes a tree-hugger. Craig, from the Tangents podcast, oils up his harness and breaks out all the toys in part one of "Moonlight". Invisible sex organs dig up frightening images from Preston's childhood. Hairy Barbarian's run from wayward butt-plugs.
Manhole Down Under
Buttons gives birth to the Antichrist, while The Whore drops acid and goes 'walkabout'. Preston denies his resemblance to Chicken Little. Part two of "Moonlight", by Craig from the Tangents podcast, delivers only part of its juicy payload before cutting out for a Ginger-MaryAnne sandwich.
Maxim Um Whore
Preston finally gets his dirty mouth washed out with soap. Despite ongoing rumors and an unfortunate haircut, Angry Phone Guy's wardrobe confirms his heterosexuality. The Word Whore gives up both her ass and her dignity for Lent. "Where You'll Find Me" by DG is sad and it's sad and it's sad too. Link joins Buttons in the studio for "The Redneck Review".
Tears Are Not Enough
Buttons expresses concern about a lack of alcoholism in Toronto's podcasting community. The Word Whore blows a peeper. Robin Kirkman, author of "Rakth in The Beginning", suffers a gender identity crisis at the hands of The Whore and cancels his/her subscription to AoMS due to Preston's assholishness.
Ream Oh Wet Wood
While The Word Whore gives Frank Stallone more air time than he's had in almost twenty years, Preston Buttons deftly dodges bullets. Jessica's "Not Just Another One Night Stand" sites some important advances in erotic robotics. The Whore finds a certain foamy stick a little hard to swallow.
Diamond Dogs
Escape Pod's Stephen Eley gives Buttons the Sci-Fi shaft. The Word Whore seeks a sugar daddy with deep pockets and fewer cavities to keep her puffing and panting. "The Wrong Excuse", by Dan Manning, warns dope peddling jive turkeys about infectious ferrets. Hungry hounds lick their chops, while Preston polishes his drumsticks.
Thy Will Be Dung
The Word Whore casts her shiniest idol aside and checks herself in to the nearest knitting circle. Will Waverly, author of "Pointless Parable", politely asks Buttons to eat dung and die. Preston plays possum while top secret plans for the new Tickle-Me-Buttons plush toy —bound to be all the rage, Christmas 2006— are inadvertently lactated.
Let Them Eat Cake
It's forbidden cocktails in a skank pad, when Buttons divulges the latest in kitchen trends. The Word Whore places an order for some piping hot TTN pepperoni. "Clucksome Cockadoodleanamus Book", by Martyzilla, ruffles a few feathers before helping Bjork land the lead in the sequel to ET. Buttons and The Whore finally engage Angry Phone Guy in a long overdue three-way.
Lawn Drippings
The Word Whore suspects South Beach residents of watering their lawns. "Porcelain Dreams", by Mike Difeo, fails to bring out Preston's romantic side. The William Shatner School of Acting is finally forced to close down. The Whore tries to play Chuck Woolery for Buttons and first time on air guest Dr. Whom, but gravity isn't cooperating.
Fuzzy Luggage
Clean-shaven and sporting modern pants, Buttons and The Whore celebrate the One-Year Anniversary of AOMS. Spiderman's package shrivels at the silver tongue of a slippery little green fellow. "Tempting The Nerd", by Paul B. Edwards from PUNKY! Radio, smashes Preston's arsehole. TTN makes The Whore feel really really dirty.
Funnel of Love
Reunited after seven months, Buttons and the Whore find they have nothing to say to one another. Post Punky stress leaves Buttons beaten. The Whore takes double fisting to its next logical level. The surreal "Good Morning Toronto", by Stunt Pig, brings Buttons honking to the ledge. A birthday call to 88 Fingers Willy finds him looking to clean house.
Bad Dates
The Word Whore hits high celebrity as stiffly as she can. Buttons' recurring crabs cause him to lose face. A painful phonecall to Big Johnny drives the hosts to look for an escape. Part 1 of "Calchas" by Dave Aldridge has the Whore dreaming of tall shiny towers of manhood.
Private Ears
Preston threatens to spontaneously combust, as The Word Whore's dysfunctional mouth spills out all of Angry Phone Guy's sword-fighting secrets. Part two of "Calchas", by Dave Aldridge, decomposes after a wormy bout of consumption. The Whore rules out another 'entry' as unwilling. Buttons breaks his promise to the proper Mrs. E.
Neutral Peelers
Much to Preston's audible dismay, Shaggy Fancy Pants staggers by the AoMS studio to get boozed and bring sexy back. The Word Whore adds a large dose of frankness to her 'to do' list. "Broken Angels" - a FISH story of figurines loved and lost – gets much more lost than loved, in this beer-soaked trainwreck from the cutting room floor.
Jimmy Hats
Preston pees on the competition. The Whore staggers back to her roots. Mark Duhe's "Reclamation" runs Native American gymnasts and contorted eunuchs out of Kansas. Dreamy Dean gets a grip on his inner fluffer, prompting Link to run away and join the circus
Eat The Rich
Kevin Smith threatens to foul up Festivas Tet!Anus. Shane Passon and Amy Mann lure exploratory foragers down their crumb-laden treasure trails in "The Colony". Strapping on Super-slider Snow Skates and setting his sights on Aspen, Angry Phone Guy tears yet another sparkly strip off the well-to-do.
Better Than Dirk
The Whore lets Preston hitch his insignificant wagon to her crap-purveying star. Young Bulls guard family jewels from dear old Dad. "Demon Hunter", by Dan Manning, is much better than dirt. Buttons shops in The Underworld because redheads prefer brown, but Scott (TTN) won't wear satin to ward off Pauly B 's pond-crossing beer fingers.
Moistened and Mashed
Rock 'n' roll is complicated. Escape Pod's Steve Eley spews all over the Expo. Buttons bakes a Hell's Angels Food Cake. In the Navy, DocZim can check out your disease. In the Navy, yes, you can contract STDs. The Whore begs for mercy.
Buffin The Pumpkin
Preston Buttons and The Word Whore serve up two heaping helpings of Purple Puddle Nut Pie. Jack Black gets no slack. Buttons has no seeds. The Whore pimps out the two of them. Happy Halloween. This is not the best episode in the world. It's a tribute.
Diamond Logs
This ain't AoMS. This is genocide. As they pulled Mary Kate out of the oxygen tent, Electric Lee asked for the latest party. In Wyeth's clever bunk, "How To" profit-dump, smart like The Whore he was. Preston Buttons freak he was. So pick through that bowl on your hands and knees. The diamond logs are shredders and they hide inside feces.
Kiss Kiss Bag Bag
Buttons sheds a short and curly. The Word Whore is googley peeved. Preston Buttons Jr tops it off with some royally spoofed special sauce. Dreamy Dean hangs, so the hotline (305-76-SHOWS) gets a long overdue D 'n' C.
Cheese Wii
1998, the unofficial year of the hedgehog, rolls out with a rodent-infested fable by S.J. Marky and a still-un-beta-tested MacDaddy GMG debut. Preston goes back to school to learn to party like a pope. The Whore's alpha tail theory is full of gassy bacterial holes and the land down under becomes a safe haven for pie-dodging Irish possums.
YITCH
AOMS inspires the first scratch-n-sniff Farmer's Almanac. Winter rips Buttons a new one. Bill Clinton leaves an indelible mark on the lesbian community. Maqx gets mad enough to make "Mel" sing soprano. 191 Randall goes for the jugular and The Word Whore finds decapitated roosters a little tough to swallow.
Gizzy Tissue
The Whore is chronologically challenged. Fish shares his meat treat with Colonel Chicken Diddler, while Buttons suffers a stroke. Banacek rolls back from Sin City without his hand-cannon. What happens in The Gun Store, should probably stay in The Gun Store.
My Little Pelt
The new Pauly B action figure comes with its own cancer-causing comb-over cream-rinse. Lord Felton Pole reveals the secret to a successful marriage. 88 Fingers Willy flounders under parental lock down. The Whore helps vain elephants turn a lighter shade of grey and Buttons finds religion.
Less Thin Lizzy
Buttons masters the telephone. Void Munashii squeezes into his ess-less unitard to fend off Gap-happy zombies in "Mallville". The Word Whore advocates tough love for self-loathing snipers. Disco Lou goes down all day long, even after his wing-man falls flat. They paved paradise and put up Mississauga.
Saccharinly So
Afternoon regurgitation turns Buttons green with envy. Joseph J Jolton polishes a petrified piece of Victorian feces. The Word Whore exhumes a canine corpse. Edible big bully King Minos Del Toro rallies a rabble regime, but it's all Greek to AoMS.
Age of Consent
Buttons enjoys himself. The Whore gets stupider. William Grant Preston does "The Deed" in a dark park with Marky Mark and Slutty McSlutSlut drops the soap.
Vertical Smile
The Word Whore takes a vow of silence. I Am Webster flashes his jugs. Dreamy Dean manages to conceal his privates, even while rolling off the rock, but Buttons brazenly unclasps his semi-wooden cloister.
Tastes Like Chicken
Just-a-Joe helps AoMS drag its sorry lagging arse into year 3 — w000t! Drunk with power, The Whore blows another mic. Ernst and Young count Buttons offspring before they hatch. Chad Hanson spreads his ash, as Jim Henson rolls over in his grave. Be careful where you dip your quarter-chicken, Canada is a nice clean place.
Same Show, Different Pile
AoMS rolls around in the warm squelchy aftermath of their much celebretated 100th. The Whore edits lamb screams from her Moussaka. A big fat Greek conflict prevents Preston from a life of piracy. John Doer doesn't know her, but he does dabble in dwarf tossing.
Nice Melons
Buttons sniffs out the homeless. Josh (The Listener) totally gives away "The End of The Movie". The Word Whore riffles through Tarantino's wank-o-dex with her bare toes. 191 Randall Crescent has to ferment the fruit before planting his seed, but he'll happily share the sloppy seconds.
Catcher In The Eye
Mike Dominic floods the AoMS studios after studying horny hamsters, but that's another story. Dreamy Dean reinvents the rock 'n' roll death. Best Boy Electric, You Know Bernie You Know Bernstein, can't get a grip on his gaffer.
Tickle-Me Alamo
Preston's car-bombing license is revoked due to Alzheimer's. The Word Whore voluntarily enters a facility for the treatment of sex addiction. Sanchez sacrifices eternal life to appease the furry masses and Banachek drowns in a sea of virgin cougars.
Shiver Me Livers
Preston wins another wet T-shirt contest. Clooney misses his true calling, once more, but sometimes that's just how the cooch curdles. Having failed to check expiration dates, Doctor Wood spoils a perfectly good "Sunday Afternoon". Bartender Matt helps The Whore pick out a new pillow.
Magic Juice
Fish feeds on Preston's stomach contents and Chad's leftovers. Johnny Favourite plays hide the sausage with 10,000 Maniacs. Belinda Carlisle gets the clap, but The Whore's lips are sealed. Chris Elliot continues to live.
Yukio Ono
The Whore safeguards Preston's mattress against years of Irish Spring. Yukio breaks out the champagne and teaches the Poles a thing or two about going Dutch. Lulu Fontaine finds Jesus and draws the line at Meth.
Not In Public
Buttons loses another leading man. The Whore tires of limb-dropping leprechauns and gives hamsters another go. Jukebox Review hosts, Honey and Dick, know lubrication is the key. Angry Phone Guy's anger management classes have really paid off, unless you're a Honey who's hiding a Dick.
Unencucumbered
The Word Whore proves it's all been done. MaxMax puts the faux-fur-trim on his sisters nakedity. Banacek hits the bricks, because beer is for closers. Buttons reveals plans to smuggle a busload of Native Canadians into the States.
Red Albino
Beloved medic, DocZim, revives AoMS from parts unknown. Asheron Razorbeam shaves off a short short in his sleep. Preston Buttons furrows his upper eye-sockets when light penetrates The Word Whore's ass-cam.
Cockroach in Hand
Preston Buttons makes a new friend. The Whore isn't fooling anybody. Stephanie Scarborough makes room on her rusty casting couch for a scotch-swilling EMO cowboy. Mickey Rooney survives the apocalypse.
Dust Petals
Preston yaks up a Manhattan for KATG. MaxMax claims "Asha" is new, but The Whore had already seen it, Buttons already owned the album, and The Right Rev Chumley erstwhile erected its Church. Neapolitan socks don't taste like strawberries and yet incense by any other name would smell as sweet.
Side By Each
The Word Whore swings both ways. Phil Collins is a KATG groupie. Charlie Sheen has been shellacked. Buttons finds shiny bits of Harry Potter in his potty. Void Munashii's neo-noir cinderella story, "Nick Iron and the Case of the Lost Shoe", dispenses an expanse of thigh.
Cirque Du Scissoring
AoMS runs away from the circus to relive prepubescent glory days. Preston asks Marianne Faithfull for his bum back. The Whore is perplexed by elective sex. Sir Michael's "LUST" gets a hands-down "thumbs up", although it might be best for Buttons to "tuck it away for awhile".
Puck Burger
Preston Buttons spews his seedy secrets, while The Whore blows her own horn. Creepy or not, Graham from Canada chooses double-entry and a veritable flood of AoMS hotline callers are foiled again.
Double Tall Skull Cap
Buttons continues to reject all signs of the apocalypse. Brian Lieberman cries out for a bloody coffee break. Against all odds, AOMS's four-year fungal infection persists.
Chet Anus
The Word Whore soaks the final frontier. An Entertainment Troupe tries to change the station, but falls into a prophesied void. Send AOMS your stories. Jazz hands. Cha.
Rumspringa
Buttons jacks up a healthy spike, despite technical difficulties. AOMS exhumes Phil Foster. After having completely blown her roving reporter role, The Whore passes out under a warm Amish soap box.
Sole-Saving Sacrifice
Buttons strays from his flock. The Word Whore makes an offering to the porcelain god. Doc Zim forces Ryan Saunders to wear flip-flops in Hell. The Right Rev Chumley bathes in sacramental wine.
Zap Your Pee Ram
88 Fingers Willy delivers the mail. AOMS is forced to settle for General Eley's sloppy seconds, in lieu of stories, and user-submitted urine samples, in lieu of cash. The Whore is finally put out to pasture.
The Reflex
Buttons gets caught spooning at the movie theatre. Aria Solomon visits the doctor and opens wide. Some fishy broads lure porn-stars to their payload, while Ancient Egyptians car-jack The Word Whore's brain.
Spirate Pies
Buttons plays with his shortwave radio. Mike Dominic pulls a spoonful of "McGonegal" out of his carpet bag. The Word Whore learns Navaho in hopes of becoming another numbered honey-glazed ham smuggler.
Whittled McDick
Keith McNally's quest for beaver is not unpleasant. AoMS wins the Nobilis prize. The Word Whore exercises her squatter's rights, Buttons stares at goats, and somebody (outside of New York) definitely sucks.
Dinosaur Feathers
Last call for monkeyishness! Buttons, well into his first trimester, fails to get the creative juices flowing under the tell-tale black-light. Doc Zim endeavors to erupt and fill the bag, just to hear The Whore gasp for air.
Verbal Leakage
Fancy butt bling settles Preston's upset stomach. The Word Whore (clearly under the influence of agrarian pharmaceuticals and cheese) plunders Hashashan's village, pillages the faux French Bible, and puts it all away wet.
Down With OPZ
The Word Whore likes it white and floppy. Dustin Manly loves to waggle his fishy bits, but finds it rather hard to smile with his pants down. Buttons takes an octuple shhhhhhh and swims in it.
Naked Lunch
Those who can't do, teach. Those who can't teach, counsel. Oh, the ironing! The Whore has sketchy memories of her noisy chinese roomate's strap-ons. Nobilis throws a hen party: pack a lunch, BYO (juice) Box. Mustaches are made of hair.
Coyote Itchy
Buttons and The Whore suffer a minor story stroke and accidentally rehash Hashashan (complete with identical banter, all these "years" later). Thankfully, BDOOMED is on hand with the vaseline to help put it away wet... again.
Phallic Allergy
With or without professional dancing bugs, Buttons might get old before he dies. The Word Whore Shatners all over Francis Scott Key and his little internet pimp too.
Inner Child
Canada is big. Keith McNally gets a chance. Starman serves up a mean bottle of Mad Dog 20/20. Buttons is forced to find his voice, because The Word Whore's is infected.
Playing God
The Word Whore chastises children and smites sunflowers. Brian Lieberman offers a burnt sacrifice and snuffs a bush. Preston would sow some seeds, but he lacks the constant flow of nutrients to his stem.
Technical Constipation
Buttons clenches. The Word Whore drifts. Jon and Scott still need tetanus shots, after pummel-assing a short hyena. Hashashan boom-boom-pows a buddy for a teriyaki tongue sandwich.
Logan's Lurk
Buttons stalks The Word Whore's Aunt. The Word Whore stalks James Purefoy. Life clocks are a lie. Carousel is a lie. Hair sniffing has never seemed so dirty. No one has to die at 30!
Geeking Out
Buttons is a busy man. The Word Whore is very aware of her bathing suit area. MaxMax's candy-ass dragon mixes it with love-is-a-battlefield and makes the world taste like Cat Stevens.
Irish Spittle
Having adopted Paganism for all the naked snakes, The Word Whore washes Preston's Catholic mouth out with the Blarney Stone. Z J Maplin stops being such a stranger - SCHWING! Party on, Whore. Party on, Buttons.
Simultaneous Tastings
Preston's semi-annual trip to the grocery store raises a few eyebrows. Mister A. Bell cuckolds the Drabblecast in three short spurts. Slurrishessly, the Word Whore ponders how often one should plug.
SAUCED
Buttons finally forces The Word Whore to examine his banana. Magic mushrooms in the shower cause recurring fungal flashbacks. Katie is a girl!! But, once she grows some balls, the evening is totally wasted.
Teetotallers Yodel
Preston wants to be a part of it, while The Whore just seems intimidated by Keith Malley's Triple Threat status and his new foray into Fine Art. Dave Stites is truly awesome, and also boasts true awesomeness, but he has clearly never given NOR received a BJ.
Deja Vu
Oh no, it's happening again! Buttons and The Whore get buzzed on Sesame Street, Hashashan gets cold feet, and nobody wants to even think about that Egg Hunt.
In The Toilet
Five years down the drain, but Buttons and The Whore are flushed with excitement. Undarlegt reveals what's beneath his Icelandic pants, Banacek tries to C'Mon to Dreamy Dean, and Link drops a few Anniversary surprises.
Effectus CXLI
Buttons and The Whore walk like mummified Egyptians down memory-loss lane, but all roads lead to Rome. Jules Quinn takes a Nimbus MM to his "Writer's Block". Captain Peter (Easton) Wilkins rewinds back to MDCX to perform acts of Rock-n-Roll Piracy in front of the Prime Minister.
Foreign Franks
The Word Whore is Cee Lo Green with envy that Jacquetta COULD have it: it was in her face and she DID grab it. A pudgy little man, with a head for radio, helps Just-a-Joe give "Swimming With Sharks" a makeover. Buttons might know what love is, if only he could pass inspection and enjoy the go.
Ash To Mouth
Buttons likes brown butts and he cannot lie. The Whore's family tree is infested. The Countless Screaming Argonauts conduct experiments on a plethora of penguin droppings. 191 Randall Crescent checks his teeth at the door, so he can speak fluent trailer park.
Breaking The Seal
The Word Whore is a teeny tiny bit WAY TOO DRUNK, but that's another story. Still, Astromat is kind enough to take time out from "The War" to launder her pants after a night of level one cow tipping. Buttons finds time to stop and smell the roses, even after Metamucil.
SNAFU
This Halloween, The Word Whore talks about something totally else. Buttons finally erases his head. Hugh O'Donnell airs out his North American armpit and his 85 year old meat. Keith McNally —afraid of heights and of taking a shot in the dark— exhibits no fear of being on top.
G.S.W.
The Whore struggles with a mouthful of metal, while getting rubbed the wrong way by alotta vegetable shortening. Buttons brings all the gadgets to the party, but his tiny fingers can't do the walking. Professor Swayze picks Full Monty over Peeping Tom. Banacek explores his hungry Episcopalian side.
Puckered and Pixelated
Turns out Mama's squeezebox and Papa's brand new bag are one in the same. The theme thong does belong in the toilet. The Whore debuggers censorship, Hashashan rebells, and Miss Holloway designs a tissue dispenser worthy of the cover of Good Housekeeping.
Taint Stains
Buttons and The Whore play catch up, but the refrigerator gets away and the freezer remains a challenge. Preston falls under the EMO spell of Macedo's (muh-SAY-doe's) "Bad Kids". Angry Phone Guy rails against becoming The Word Whore's mule.
Taint Stains
Although Lagomorph's "Plausible Reality" reads more like inconceivable fantasy, it leaves an unbleachable mark on The Word Whore's soul. "The General" (S. F. Eley) artfully ESCAPES his Salinger-esque reclusion, just to pop Preston's three-way cherry.
Stinky Pinky
TWW doesn't take kindly to the role of damsel in distress, but Sir Micheal Beckwith rides in on his trusty steed to stave off a close call "pod fade" and to spur AoMS back into lackluster action. Buttons drives like an old woman.
Barfly Blisters
AOMS 2012 "Come Back Tour" kicks off in NYC (with KATG) and crashes near Chicago, after plundering TTN's 250th Episode. Thomas Sullivan writes in on fancy new fangled post-its. The Whore doesn't know SHIT from SHINOLA when it comes to baseball, but she's certain Bass Players do always come second (Lead Singers consistently get first crack). Buttons takes a whiz in the TARDIS.
Worm Can
Preston Buttons likes dick, just a little more than The Whore does. A nice clean Dwarf named Hortenfangle takes a tasty little Plot Plunge... MEDIC!! Ryan Saunders claims ownership of Steve Eley's snot. Amber agrees to get naked, if The Word Whore will tell her what to do. TTN's Scott strangles a cat.
Crime and Punishment
And so it begins... the Zombie Apocalypse: last one to the safe house is a (not-quite-yet) rotten egg! Joseph Jolton elects to give Preston a sore throat, cuz he isn't getting enough action at home. Herr Hardluck experiences a little car trouble on the MacArthur Causeway. If "love is all around", The Word Whore might just make it after all.
Bigger Than Jesus
All the veils drop as Preston Buttons and The Word Whore scratch their seven-year itch, commit a few deadly sins, and bring you all the wonders of the world on this 7th Anniversary episode of Air Out My Shorts. Steve (The General) Eley suffers from Penis Envy. Countless Argonauts stop Screaming. MaxMax gets on his high horse. More than seven braincells were harmed in the making of this podcast.
Small Potatoes
Buttons puts a sock on it. Kevin Smith makes The Whore sad. Tim (Rhys!) Davies deletes his first draft and "counts", instead, on his cleaning woman's succulent lobes. Steve Eley scrapes a dead gecko off The Word Whore's boob, but steers clear of her vestigial tail.
Jerk Off Party
Buttons gets hot and wet and suddenly becomes much more interesting to The Word Whore. MaxMax 'tickles the fancy' of the wrong rodents, but it's consensual. Layers of Freudian layers are peeled, as The Mediocre Show's "Lady Tomorrow" makes The Whore all warm and fuzzy. Disco Lou gets old. Run Cannon, Run.
The Smell of People
Preston Buttons fancies himself an enlightened Renaissance Man. Katherine Heigl is the new Midol. Unlike The Word Whore, it would seem Nobilis Reed's new orally-gifted "Girlfiend" DOES have a tail. Despite high hopes, Angry Phone Guy stays in his box. Ribbit.
Fill That Hole
Mrs. Buttons becomes a Monk. Das Rad is Das Loud. Simon Green "Trolls" the Interwebs. Brian (B-Doomed) Lieberman is "all growed up" and making his generous parents proud by dabbling in porn. Happy Birthday Word Whore!
Joy and Pain
The Word Whore throws up in public and there is much rejoicing! Doczim bends over backwards to bring us another PLOT PLUNGER plunge, but he buggers it all up. While Banacek claims to be recovering quite well from his latest marriage, he's already seeking out "the widow maker". Hotness decreases with age... Go figure.
Apathy and Atrophy
Preston Buttons goes into labor. The Word Whore just can't get a grip. Brian Lieberman has a bad case of the varsity blues (or what would be referred to on the Mediocre Show as "white people problems"), in part one of the promised BDOOMED graduation episode special. Disco Lou voulez-effin-vous his way around Europe. Meh!
And The Winner Is...
The Official AOMS Drinking Game has resurfaced! Preston Buttons hangs up his air guitar. Witch Doctors attack The Word Whore with an airborne shoehorn. The thrilling conclusion of Brian (BDOOMED) Lieberman's "Atrophy and Apathy" is aired out... AND the winner of the first ever Air Out My Shorts Summer Raffle, ever, is announced!!!
Cake or Death
For Preston Buttons, true romance is best served shrink-wrapped and vacuum-packed. Mike Dominic's purple prose dangles meatily from his giant Presbyterian plunger. The Whore Whore fearfully awaits the wrath of The French... and some people actually called the codio-aumment line!!!
Assless Pants
Hobbits and Dwarves and Trolls... Oh My!! Preston Buttons and The Word Whore make a steaming-hot-mess-pile of "O'Malley and The Gnome" by MaxMax. Dreamy Dean's aging rock-n-roll balls are holding up quite well, despite winter's bitter chill and Benicio Del Toro's firm grip.
Gorilla Whore Fare
Buttons gushes endlessly about bonding with TTN’s Scott, in Chicago, over pizza... it’s deep! Carter Lee’s Blood Fire Apes wish their mojo had never risen from the silent safety of the bag. Disco Lou set to marry his high school sweetheart... again! The Word Whore can no longer settle for Plan D.
Lights. Camera. Action.
Preston keeps his poor muttering 'missus' chained to the stove, without any ice-cream. Nobilis Reed pounds out "Lights in the Sky”. Dreamy Dean lets everyone down, again. The Word Whore fears she is being watched. And nobody breaks out in song.
Freud's Slip
Something long and white and wriggling spews up from the mailbag, courtesy of ExParrot… it’s charming! Preston indulges his poly-curious wife, every other week, and The Word Whore sprouts a second head. Dodecahedron!
Trick or Tweet
Doczim lets Buttons and The Whore play with his fuzzy little “Hellspawn", against his fuzzy little ‘better judgements’. Orange is the new Navy. Twitter is the new Electro-Mechanical Rotor Cipher Machine. Here, Kitty Kitty.
Zed's Dead, Baby
MaxMax serves up some swingin’ (yet, very unclear) alliterated alcopop. Banacek’s grasp of THE NEW 'promotional machine’ is as fuzzy as the machine itself. The Whore claims to have never put 'lips to rim’, despite what’s dribbling down her chin. Buttons ruins Christmas.
Toilet Jewelry
Preston pretends to know nothing about picking through historical shit, while The Word Whore yanks her OWN chain …just a little too hard. TTN’s Scott STEALS (and then messes with) priceless Artifacts. MaxMax chimes in… literally.
MERRY AoMS-MAS
Seasons Greetings, to all, from Preston Buttons and The Word Whore. Thank you for your valued story submissions and your continued listenership. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
Soory, Eh
Buttons and The Whore reminisce about the dampening properties of Link’s DNA. DocZim stocks the mailbag, but risks a polite 10-Minute Canadian Shanking. Brian Lieberman readies himself for a soulless career and a B-DOOMED future family, but he’s ALL GROWED UP NOW and we think he’s gonna kick some serious A55!
Murdered or Worse
The King and Queen of “The Slush Pile” muse about their retirement and plug their much anticipated autobiography (celebratory parade to be held somewhere in Nawlins - TBA!). Fenwick Rixey sloughs off an unresolved secondhand tale of gay robs and fishy bitches. Dean shatters his dreamy image, but his wife picks up the smouldering pieces.
Octopussy
It is the Tenth Anniversary of the first ever episode of Air Out My Shorts and THE ROOF IS ON FIRE!! Eric Lehmann’s dyslexia leads to a fishy dish. James Bond... Made in Canada?? Pauly B Edwards hedges his bets on a real live girl, while The Right Rev Chumley LIVES THE DREAM of copyright-infringement-free costume carving.